From the office kitchen to family WhatsApp groups, people often feel entitled to details about your love life, health, money or plans. Smart people don’t rant or explode. They use calm, precise phrases that shut the door without slamming it.
Setting boundaries without starting a fight
Most of us were never really taught how to say, “This is none of your business,” without sounding rude. So we overshare, lie, evade, or snap. None of those options feel great, and they rarely stop the behaviour in the long term.
Psychologists talk about “assertive communication”: being clear about what you need, without attacking the other person. That’s exactly what the following phrases do. They protect your privacy, keep your dignity intact and, in many cases, even preserve the relationship.
Clear boundaries are not aggression; they are self-defence for your time, energy and mental health.
1. “I need some time for myself right now”
This line is perfect when people push for details while you’re still processing something difficult – a breakup, a health scare, financial trouble.
It doesn’t blame anyone. It simply states a need. Most people can relate to wanting space, so they’re more likely to back off without drama.
You’re not rejecting the person, you’re protecting your emotional recovery time.
2. “I’d rather make this decision on my own”
When relatives, friends or colleagues insist on weighing in on your career, relationship or living situation, this phrase draws a clear line.
It recognises that advice might be well-meant, but it underlines a simple fact: the consequences are yours, so the decision must be too. Used with a calm tone, it signals adulthood and self-respect, not rebellion.
3. “I’d prefer not to talk about that”
Some questions are intrusive even if the person asking doesn’t realise it: salary, fertility, politics, trauma, medical history.
“I’d prefer not to talk about that” is short, neutral and final. You don’t owe an explanation. In social psychology, this is called a “broken record” response: you repeat it calmly if they push again, without getting dragged into justifying yourself.
4. “I’m going to handle this in my own way”
When you’re dealing with a problem, helpful people sometimes turn into controlling people. They tell you what you “must” do, who you “should” call, how you “ought” to behave.
This phrase acknowledges their concern but reminds them that you’re the one steering the ship. It’s particularly useful with parents or older relatives who slide back into a parental role when you struggle.
5. “Let’s keep this between us”
Sometimes the issue isn’t the question, but what happens to the answer. You share something personal, then wonder who else will hear it by lunchtime.
“Let’s keep this between us” quietly sets a confidentiality line. If someone breaks it, you have every reason to rethink what you share with them in future.
Trust is not just about listening; it’s about what people do with what you tell them.
6. “Thanks, but I’ve got it covered”
This is the social equivalent of taking the steering wheel back. It works when someone keeps “helping” in a way that feels more like interference.
The gratitude softens the message, but the second half is firm. You’re signalling competence and stopping the conversation from drifting into your private choices or routines.
7. “I appreciate your concern”
This sentence is deceptively powerful. It‘s ideal for nosy questions wrapped in “I’m just worried about you”.
By acknowledging the concern, you avoid looking defensive or hostile. From there, you can redirect: “I appreciate your concern – I’m working on it” or “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not looking for advice on this.”
- It validates the person’s intention.
- It keeps you in control of the topic.
- It lets you shut the door without slamming it.
8. “I’d like to keep that to myself for now”
This one is ideal when you might share later, but not yet. Think early pregnancy, job interviews, new relationships, private projects.
The “for now” reassures people that you’re not rejecting them personally; you’re just not ready. It can significantly reduce pushback, especially in families that are used to sharing everything.
9. “Let’s talk about something else”
Sometimes the fastest boundary is a subject change. No explanations, no tension, just a clean pivot:
“Let’s talk about something else – how are your plans going for the summer?”
This technique combines a limit with a friendly gesture. You’re not shutting the person down; you’re steering the conversation somewhere safer.
10. “I think we should stay focused on work”
Workplaces are breeding grounds for oversharing and gossip. What sounds like casual chat can quickly slide into very personal territory.
“I think we should stay focused on work” is especially useful with colleagues who feel more like acquaintances than friends. It reminds everyone that the primary reason you’re there is professional, not personal.
Protecting your privacy at work also protects your reputation, your boundaries and sometimes your career.
Why people struggle to mind their own business
Curiosity, boredom, anxiety, even affection – they all push people to ask for details that aren’t theirs. In some cultures or families, constant questions are seen as caring, not invasive.
That context matters. Someone might genuinely think they’re showing love. Strong boundaries don’t require you to assume bad intent. They simply require you to protect yourself regardless of the intent.
Direct, aggressive or assertive? Knowing the difference
A lot of people confuse being assertive with being harsh. There’s a useful mental checklist you can use before responding:
| Style | Typical wording | Effect |
|---|---|---|
| Aggressive | “Back off, that’s none of your business.” | Creates conflict, shuts communication, can damage relationships. |
| Passive | “Oh, it’s fine… I guess… I don’t know.” | Leaves you uncomfortable, invites more intrusion. |
| Assertive | “I’d rather not talk about that.” | Protects your boundary while staying respectful. |
Real-life scenarios: what these phrases sound like
Picture this: a colleague asks in front of others, “So, what’s happening with your divorce?” You feel your stomach drop.
An assertive response could be: “I’d prefer not to talk about that at work. Let’s stay focused on the project.” You’ve protected yourself, signalled a line, and moved the conversation back to safer ground.
Or a parent calls three times a day asking, “Did you send the application? Have you heard back? What did they say?” You might say: “I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather handle this in my own way. I’ll update you when there’s real news.”
Hidden benefits of clear boundaries
People often fear that saying no will cost them relationships. Research suggests the opposite tends to happen over time. Consistent boundaries attract people who respect you, and distance those who only felt comfortable when you had none.
There’s a mental health effect too. Less pressure to explain your life means less social fatigue, fewer resentment-fuelled arguments, and more energy for the people and topics you genuinely care about.
Learning to say “no” politely is one of the most practical forms of self-care.
Getting comfortable with the discomfort
The first few times you use these phrases, you may feel guilty or awkward. That’s normal. Many of us were conditioned to prioritise harmony over honesty.
A simple trick is to prepare one or two sentences in advance, rehearse them out loud, and use the same wording each time. The repetition builds confidence. Over weeks and months, you start to notice something: the drama you feared usually doesn’t happen, but your life feels noticeably calmer.
